4 Deadly “Success Poisons” That Every Entrepreneur MUST Avoid
Today I was reading about how in a marriage, studies show that no matter what goes on in a marriage, like the number one thing that predicts whether the marriage is gonna make it, or whether it’s not gonna make it is what happens in the moment of conflict; when the two parties disagree.
And I couldn’t help but think there were some parallels between the research about that
and what I know about business, what I’ve seen in entrepreneurs that I know.
That’s why I wanted to share with you four really powerful things that could mean the end of your business.
When a married couple disagrees, there are four specific things that researchers look out for so
they could see you know so they could predict the fate of that relationship; blaming, withdrawal, invalidation, and escalation.
So let’s go ahead and unpack each of the four.
This is a big one okay, so if something doesn’t go right with your business, if you’re thinking like either I want to quit, or you know there’s a problem, you know kind of their varying degrees of ‘red alert status’, but if one of your reactions is to blame; you really need to rethink that, okay.
It’s probably someone else’s fault, it’s probably also a little bit your fault, there’s always, you know, there’s always two sides to this, right.
But the temptation is because we feel uncomfortable, what we want to do is make it not our faults. Because if it’s our fault, then we suck, bleh. But like I want I want you to resist doing that.
The reason is, and I totally I understand, I understand it’s so much easier to make it about what somebody else did. And whether or not that’s true, ultimately it doesn’t really matter because that way of thinking does not empower you, okay.
Making it about what someone else did, or did not do, or miscommunicate it, or whatever, that takes away your power. That takes away your ability to change that situation. And so, that’s gonna get you in trouble because; you can only blame, if
you’re the business owner, it doesn’t matter. It’s always your fault.
Like that’s, that’s what you have to understand about entrepreneurship. As a CEO, like it’s true about me, it’s true about you, it’s true about all of us; it’s always our fault. And yes, other people make mistakes, and I’m not, you know, of course, like, there there’s always multiple people at fault. But when I say it’s always your fault, what I mean is the buck stops with you.
It’s your responsibility to fix whatever is broken. It’s your responsibility to understand that even if somebody else totally dropped the ball, there’s probably a role that you played in it; and that’s the piece, that’s the piece of this whole situation that your focus needs to go to if you’re gonna be a successful business owner.
You need to think “how can I?” Like, even if you can’t even remotely picture right now, how it could possibly in any way be your fault. It’s your job to look at it and find a way to empower yourself to be the one who can create a better results in the future.
Because if you don’t take any responsibility, basically what you’re saying is; “I’m not in control of my business, somebody else is in control,” right, so can you see how that could kind of spell disaster?
It’s something definitely to look out for.
Another thing to look out for is withdrawal.
So in a marriage, it withdrawals like giving the silent treatment you know. Withdrawal with with withdrawal, it’s a hard word to say. Anyway, in a business what withdrawal looks like, or the parallel that I’m drawing is, that sometimes when things go wrong what; what business owners do, or what ineffective business owners do, is totally, like, eject themselves from the situation. Like they go procrastinate. They go do other things.
They just basically stop working on their business, and of course, if you’re not doing anything then your business probably isn’t going to move forward.
So yes it’s painful, yes it’s hard, but the ones who succeed are the ones who are able to continue to move forward even when it’s hardest.
So that’s a really important one.
In a marriage, invalidation is just basically saying your opinion it doesn’t count, your opinion is wrong, your opinion doesn’t matter. I struggled a little bit to find a parallel with business but I think I figured it out.
So in my opinion, when you look at what invalidation looks like as a business owner, as an ineffective business owner, basically I’m thinking what invalidation is is looking at your business like it’s broken beyond repair.
So there’s a really important moment of decision, when stuff doesn’t go right; which for every business owner that always, like that happens a ton. It’s not just like one rock bottom moment for most. Most entrepreneurs have like many rock bottom moments, right. It would be nice nice if you only had one, and then you could just have all sunshine and roses from here on out, but that’s just not typically how it goes right?
So we always have, when we get to those dips in the rollercoaster, when we get to the bottom, you can either choose to say my business is broken beyond repair; or, if you’re like one of the success stories you hear a million stories about, you’re you’re going to make a more empowering choice.
And the more empowering choice is to say this is not broken beyond repair, this is fixable. This is something I can bounce back from. Because the truth is you always can. There’s always a way.
So, if you invalidate your business, if you go like, you know, try to get refunds for every product you’ve ever bought, and just try to like circle the wagons, and just save yourself; then basically what you’re saying is “we’re done.”
You’re saying that there’s no hope for moving forward, and I don’t believe that I can create better results in the future, I’m giving up on my business, I’m giving up on myself.
Like, I’ve been there. I’ve wanted to do that, I’ve wanted to do that more than once; but ultimately, if you’re going to be a successful business owner what you need to keep in mind is
that there is always a solution.
And maybe it’s totally pivoting your business. Maybe it’s making a tiny change. Maybe it’s serving a different market. I mean there are a million ways to come out of that dip, but you have to start.
Like, you have to start that process and you need to believe, when you have no reasons to believe, that everything’s going to be alright. And that really is a huge huge difference between business owners who make it and business owners who don’t.
It’s that choice that they make in that moment, where things aren’t going right. Is this broken forever, or is it fixable? And the truth is, it’s always fixable. Okay so, that’s invalidation.
Final one is escalation.
And this is something that you definitely need to look out for. Because a lot of entrepreneurs, what they do when things aren’t going right is that they assume that instead of making these small incremental changes, what they need to do is just go bash in around and break everything; and that’s totally..
Like if you, if you have a similar personality type to me this probably is totally resonating with you; because I have done this in the past. What I do is like as soon as stuff starts to kind of drop, my results start to kind of drop, what I have done in the past is just like go in and just break stuff up and just change everything.
And the problem about doing that is if you change a bunch of stuff at once you have no data about which of those things actually made the difference. And so yes, it might feel like you’re you’re acting from an emotional place, and why while, it might feel like you’re moving forward; you’re actually just creating more problems for a future you to deal with.
So it’s helpful, if you’re in one of those moments, where you feel like stuff’s going wrong, to think
about “okay how can I kind of slow down here for a second, not necessarily make any changes” – because when you make changes from that place of like panic they’re generally not gonna be very good – so “how can I slow this down and just change one little thing.”
Or like, make one little different pivot in another tiny direction, and if that doesn’t work you can pivot a little bit more.
But you need to slow yourself down so that whatever decisions you make can be made from a place of empowerment instead of a place of panic, because good decisions just rarely rarely come from there.
Anyway, isn’t it interesting how there’s these cool parallels we found all over the place? My point is to you, that if you’re in one of those dips right now, if you’re in one of those places where you feel like this might not work, it can work.
It can work, and it will work, with the only difference between the people who make it out of this stuff and the people who get stuck in it and never come out; the difference it is you just have to understand that it’s normal. That this experience is normal and that that is your defining moment.
What you do right now, this is your moment to become the successful business owner you were
born to be.
It’s not in the successful moments. Anybody can have successful moments, that’s easy! That’s easy, but this is your moment.
This is the test of how awesome you are. And I know you are awesome! I know you can do it!
And allow me to believe it for you, even if you don’t believe it for yourself okay?
You can do this!
But this is the moment where you prove it.
So what are you gonna do?